Author: North Coast BBQ

Part Two: Toddler Nation
“In a time of universal deceit—telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” unknown

We’re living in a time when facts and truth don’t feel as solid as they once did. Depending on your beliefs, you can find all kinds of information in the media to back up your point of view. That’s an interesting term—point of view—we fiction writers talk about POV all the time. It refers to the character telling the story. Their circumstances, what they’ve experienced, what they believe and know, all go together to create their unique perspective.

That’s how it works in real life, right? We’re born and raised in circumstances we don’t choose, and we experience our lives through the choices we make and the chances we take. All that and more, shapes who we are and what matters to us. The media we consume feeds our perspective by giving us more information and greater understanding. Unless it doesn’t. You know the saying—garbage in, garbage out? Some media sources intentionally gaslight the public creating chaos with lies, targeting people in marginalized communities by inciting fear and dividing people into tribes.

Consider, too, that all politicians and political parties use the media to spread their version of a narrative and the information is not always factual. Sometimes you need waders to get through all the BS.

So, what’s a kid to do? How can you tell if you’re being gaslit by a media source? And how can you evaluate a news source to begin with? Most of us know this stuff but just in case…

Before sharing information, know that it’s true. Don’t be spreading gossip on the beach or on-line. Check out what you hear first. Read. Research and know the facts for yourself.
Know who controls the news sources you use and where their money’s coming from. Always follow the money and who stands to benefit and who stands to lose from the way a story is spun.

Check the source of the story including its URL. Crosscheck the story with a reputable news source to see if they have a similar story out there. Does the story use sensational language and words like ‘always’ and ‘never’? These words tend not to be in legitimate news stories. If a story quotes a source, look it up. Is the source an actual authority with training in the field? If a source quotes a study, look it up. You can verify published scientific studies on the google site www.scholar.google.com If a story has no author, that’s a problem.

Protect yourself from media manipulation by being skeptical about what you see there. Do your homework. I pretty much stay off social media and don’t ever use it as a source of news.

In the public world of media and politics, gaslighting has consequences that harm us all. When the truth is skewed by a media source, a politician or an elected official, two realities are created and people turn against each other causing deep rifts that seem impossible to overcome. A gaslighting elected official uses distraction and misinformation to put the blame on their opponents, on staff, on anybody but them. They are always the victim and never accept responsibility for their actions.

The persistent pattern of behavior is the same on the public stage as it is in personal relationships–other people don’t matter, the rules and laws don’t apply to them, and everybody else is to blame for everything, always.

They want to look like they’re the authority on all things when they aren’t. They expect everyone including staff to do what they say regardless of whether it’s legal or ethical. When that doesn’t happen, they retaliate sometimes by using the legal system.

The information they present is questionable and one-sided. They use half-truths and outright lies to further their own agenda. They don’t listen to recognized experts in the field and they have a party line that doesn’t change.

They turn people against each other by using a little bit of truth and a whole lot of gossip creating division and splitting communities. They use fear to get people to align with them and turn those people against a target, which could be a marginalized group, or an opponent, or staff who they perceive to be a threat.

They don’t cooperate or compromise with colleagues. They have no colleagues because they don’t collaborate with other people.

They act solely to benefit themselves and those who support them. They aren’t interested in anybody on the “other side”. They reinforce an Us vs Them mentality.

They never take responsibility when they’ve messed up. They blame their opponents (everybody not on their side is an opponent), the citizens who don’t support them, the staff who work for them—anyone and everyone else is to blame and they’re always the victim.

They’re obsessed with how things look. They act one way in public to create a positive perception among their supporters but another way in private with people they perceive as a threat or on the “other side”.

Money matters most, not people.

They don’t see themselves as public servants but as CEOs.

What they say and what they do are two different things. They talk a good game, but because they don’t cooperate, compromise, collaborate or treat others with respect, they get little done while in office except to create chaos and divide the community.

They tend to use both racist and misogynistic language. They demean and belittle people they see as less than them.

If you call them out on their behavior, they retaliate.

In personal relationships the best way to deal with a gaslighter is to maintain firm boundaries and plenty of distance. You deny the gaslighter oxygen. You just don’t respond. Ever.

But what about when it’s an elected official or politician using gaslighting tactics against your community or country? What should you do then?

Call them out on their abuse of power. They want you to be quiet. Don’t be. Know that their supporters ‘The Flying Monkeys’ will try to cut you down and freeze you out but say the truth anyway.

Like my man Mahatma Gandhi wrote, “Even if you’re a minority of one, the truth is the truth.”

My sources for these posts:

Covert T. 2019. Gaslighting: The Narcissists Favorite Tool of Manipulation.

Sarkis S. 2018. Gaslighting: Recognize Manipulative and Emotionally Abusive People.

Jackson R. and Saira Rao. 2022. White Women.

Luskin B. The Media Psychology of Gaslighting and Social Change, psychologytoday.com, posted 12-2-22

Steenbergen R. 2018. The Gaslighting Effect: A Revealing Look at Psychological Manipulation and Narcissistic Abuse.

Sweet, P. The Sociology of Gaslighting. 2019 Vol. 84 (5) p 857-875 American Sociological Review

Kim Rosenberg loretta.kim.rosenberg@gmail.com