Now it’s emails (about 60,000 of them), needy coworkers tugging at your pant leg because you are super important, and clients or customers whose energy drains you faster than your phone when you accidentally leave the flashlight on. Before you know it, it’s 5:00 p.m. and you’ve realized two things: you never ate lunch, and your water bottle is still full.
Now you’re driving home. You’re stuck behind a tractor trailer going 15 miles under the speed limit staring at a construction worker holding a STOP sign who, at this distance, looks about the size of an orange vested Polly Pocket. You finally get home, open the fridge like it owes you money, grab the fastest, unhealthiest meal possible, inhale it like you’re training for Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest, then collapse on the couch with an adult beverage and the remote.
And then… surprise!… you wake up the next morning feeling bloated, cranky, foggy, and about as rested as if you’d spent the night listening to AOL dial-up on repeat (with a side of VCR tracking static for ambiance)! Welcome to the “Crazy Cycle” that most Americans live on repeat.
Why Your Body is Revolting (Literally)
Here’s what’s happening behind the scenes: Your nervous system has two modes: the sympathetic (fight, flight, or freeze) and the parasympathetic (rest and digest).
When you’re in go-go-go mode, your body basically says, “Forget digestion! This woman’s clearly being chased by a bear!” So even if you manage to scarf down dinner, your gut is still in panic mode. Cue bloating, brain fog, and a metabolism slower than the WiFi on an airplane.
And, here’s the kicker: your mental wellness and physical health are tangled up like a telephone cord from the 80s. Stress impacts your body. Your body impacts your mind. And, you guessed it, your mind impacts your body. The cycle continues. This is why you keep waking up tired and cranky instead of rested and ready, and you can’t seem to lose the sexy belly bulge.
But it’s okay. Life might be stuck in fast-forward, but you don’t have to keep flailing like you’re trapped in one of those 80s quicksand scenes nobody actually survived, or ever actually saw in real life. With a couple of small, ridiculously doable tweaks, you can hit pause, reset your body, and stop feeling like you’ve been run over by Monday.
The Fix: Slow Down and Reset
1. The Alarm Hack (Morning Prep)
When you’re sipping coffee and scrolling TikTok, set alarms to remind you to drink and eat throughout the day. Give it a fun alarm sound and utilize the label with some bad-assery affirmations like, “My health is non‑negotiable,” or “I make time to invest in me!” Then, when you get to work, every time you open one of your 60,000 emails, take three to four sips of water. Do this, and by the time you get home, you’ll be hydrated (and peeing like it’s an Olympic sport).
2. The 60-Second Ocean Breath (Before Dinner)
Before you eat, sit down and breathe. Inhale for 4, hold for 2, exhale for 6. Picture the tide rolling in and out. Do this two to three times. And, if you have kids yelling “What’s for dinner?” consider this your moment of rebellion.
3. The 20-Minute Meal
Set a timer for 20 minutes (I know that doesn’t sound like a very long time, but it’s probably much longer than your five minute meal over the sink), sit at an actual table, and play some music (classical if you’re fancy, 80’s power ballads if you’re me). Use all your senses: smell the food, stare at it, notice the color palette, throw out some gratitude, and chew slowly tasting every bite. This will keep you fuller longer, less likely to snack, and you might even have enough energy for a walk rather than spending the evening on the couch, scrolling Netflix like it’s your job.
Bottom Line: You can jumpstart your health goals without hitting the gym. You just need to stop eating like a raccoon in a gas station parking lot. Slow down, reset, and watch how different your day feels tomorrow.
